Last night, American Idol fans voted for clean-cut crooner Kris Allen over gender bending crowd pleaser Adam Lambert.

I’m sorry, I don’t even know what to feel right now. This is crazy,”

said the bewildered 23-year-old Arkansas native as he was awarded the crown.  As usual, Ryan Seacrest tried his best to make the results seem momentous:

The underdog, the dark horse, comes back and wins the nation over.”

Okay Seacrest, this isn’t the State of the Union address. It’s a televised singing contest! Allen certainly didn’t win my heart. He reminds me of that guy who shows up at house parties with an acoustic guitar in hand and a catalogue of sappy songs to sing…then, before the night is through, he has a crowd of admiring girls around him like pidgeons.